Moving On

Sometimes there are things that happen in our lives that simply knock us off our feet. We are blown away by our utter disappointment in the people we have allowed into our lives---not just a neighbor or a good friend, but someone you feel proud to call your daughter.  The betrayal cuts so deep that at times I have not been sure I will rise above the pain, but my son has shown a resilience that gives me hope and makes me believe that in the end, we will all be better for the loss. My daughter Hailey has lost her sister, my husband and I have lost our daughter, and my son has lost his wife.

Initially I dropped out of my graduate math courses, but my son --the one that should be the most distraught of all-- said firmly to me. "MOM! I'm not dropping out of school, and if I can keep it together, then YOU can do it too! I NEED strong people around me right now. PLEASE, contact your professor immediately and get back into your courses! We are NOT week people, and we will NOT let her actions destroy us!"

He is talented, intellectually gifted, and hard working.

On top of that, he loves his mama!

I can tell you that I have had many difficult days, however, I am so proud of my son for continuing with his full-time job, his full-time class load where he is pulling straight A's, and his work on his gorgeous bachelor pad in the spare moments in-between that load. I suppose there are girls out there without the self-esteem to handle a hard-working man, but for me, and the way I was brought up, there is nothing more admirable than an intelligent, talented, hard-working man. You go Brady! A real woman is going to set her eyes on your sexy work ethic and never let go!!!

my parents in their 70's

That is the kind of man my Daddy is, and when he came home from the war his weak-willed wife had left him for another man -and what she thought was the 'easy way out.' Twenty years later (my parents would have been about 40 years old at this time) she came to formally repent directly to my Daddy for her sins. I still remember my Momma's intimidation as she fearfully anticipated that dreaded evening. The woman my mom remembered was a beauty, and mom was more than a little intimidated and a bit haunted by her memory.

By that time, my Daddy was an Aeronautical Engineer and the Bishop of our ward. My mom was a 5' 8" striking beauty with a gorgeous smile. All of us kids were prepared for a beauty queen to arrive at our house, so you can imagine our surprise when a fairly heavy woman in a 'moo-moo' arrived to express her sincere apologies to my ever handsome daddy for her past sins and the pain she had caused him to suffer for so many years.

 

my mom deep in thought earlier this year,

and still beautiful at 77!

Did I mention how grateful I am that the first woman was WEAK WEAK WEAK!!!
I thank God every day that  I  got my momma's brilliant gene pool! And YES, God IS at the helm, and I continually thank him for unanswered prayers! 

Some of the lessons I have learned are to love my family MORE!
My eldest son Aaron and his beautiful wife Serod live nearby, and I need to nurture my relationship with them even more. Look how beautiful they are together! I find myself grateful for their simple fights, because their relationship is authentic!

 

Aaron and Serod

And I appreciate the close relationship that I have with my baby girl Hailey, and I'm grateful she has lived her freshman year of college at home. I am grateful for EVERY second that God grants me to spend with this amazing family of mine, and look forward to the years that lay ahead of us -whatever they may bring! With the love of each other and the help of our Heavenly Father, there is nothing we cannot endure.

 

Hailey at age 14 representing the 

State of Utah as the Teen

winner at Internationals along 

with Utah's Tiny Tot Ashlyn

Me and my man since 1983,

Dave Kern -a talented, kind, and

industrious man with a heart of

pure gold. A true gift from God.

In the end, it is not our trials, but our ability to pull together, LOVE one another, trust God, and put one foot in front of the other!!!

To my friends and family, I renew myself to being a better wife, mother and friend. When it comes to my friends, I TRULY have the most amazing friends imaginable. You have seen me through a lifetime of both joys and sorrows. We live, love, and grieve together, and share both life's joys and disappointments. I love each of you. I could not endure life without you. 

And to my family, how does one woman warrant such blessings from God? I married the kindest man in existence that continues to love me even when I am not very lovable. On top of that, I grew up in an amazing family, and have continued to live a charmed life with children that fill my heart with joy and fulfillment. Even when things are tough, my love NEVER wavers. No matter the course that your lives may take, I will ALWAYS love you. I truly love each of you and count myself a blessed woman!

Family

I have such a fabulous family! My friends and kids will tell you that I often say, "I WON the parent lottery!!! On top of that, my husband is the kindest man I know, and although we each have our quirky flaws, I love my children with all my heart!

We have been blessed to have a loving family dog named Bilbo; a little Shi-tzu that has been by my side since 1994. He has been losing his health at a stady pace over the last several months, and on Wednesday morning he was not in my room. He ALWAYS sleeps with us. I immediately asked my husband where he was, and he replied that he had been up with him much of the night, and he could have crawled off to die. I went searching for him and found him downstairs near the kitchen with labored breathing and a 'death rattle' to his breathing. We had to take him to his vet and let them euthanize him while we stroked his head, wept, and spoke our final words to him. Anyone that has had a close family pet knows the pain of losing one. I keep tearing up every time I think of him.

We have had other personal losses this month too, but this one hurts in a deeper place. Dogs are so loyal. They never lie. They give love unconditionally, and just want to be near you. I miss him at the bottom of my bed while I do my homework. It feels like my heart has been ripped in 2, but I am so grateful to have had him all those years. He was a fabulous companion to my 3 kids. He was great company to all of us. So here's to you Bub's -and hope to see you on the other side!

Gratitude

I have a dear, dear friend with many trials in her life. The amazing thing about her is her capacity to serve others despite the pain in her own heart. One of the trials she faces right now is that her only sister, Jeanel, is suffering with cancer - check out her link on my blog list to the lower right - Jeanel's Fight - ...anyway, I rarely visit the site without weeping. This battle has set her priorities in order to be sure. There is nothing petty left in her life. I am especially struck by her gratitude list written near Thanksgiving time, so I am reprinting it here:

"I am grateful for laundry because it means my kids have clothes to wear.

I am grateful for dishes because it means we have food to eat.

I am grateful for my husband being gone because it means he has a job and can support our family.

I am grateful for picking up because it means my kids have toys to play with.

I am grateful for feeling a little sick after my treatment because it means I have modern medicine to help fight the cancer.

I am grateful for the noise in my house because it means I have three little boys to love.

I am grateful for the door that is left open because it means my boys have a safe place to play.

I am grateful for the price tag at the pump because it means I have a car to drive.

I am grateful for balancing holiday time with our families because it means my husband was raised by loving parents.

I am grateful for the alarm clock because it means I need to go to the gym to take care of myself.

I am grateful for the toothpaste on the counter because it means some must have made it onto their toothbrush.

I am grateful for my monthly trips to Seattle because it means I get to spend time with someone I love while hopefully keeping my cancer at bay.

Things in our life may not always be how we would like, but we have the opportunity to find the bright side and let it be our focus."

My trials right now feel huge, but when I visit her site, my hardships are put in perspective. I do not have time for hatred in my life. I will not allow Satan to win by poisoning my heart. Life is too short, and there is already too much pain in the world. Christ's answer was love, and I believe in Christ. I believe that He can heal ALL pain, and He will heal mine. If Suzette can act in Christlike ways, if my amazing mom and daddy continue to press on through all life's trials, if Barb can act in Christlike ways, if Hailey can act in Christlike ways, if my dear husband can act in Christlike ways, If Jacque still checks up on me and finds time for fun, love, and joy, and if Brady can still be kind through all he is suffering, then I can overcome Satan and day by day become a kinder more grateful woman and rid my heart of the poison that has taken root. I love my family and friends and also my students way too much to allow the poison to destroy me.
Love you all,
Lynette

My Baby Girl

Hailey is my baby girl, and she has always LOVED to perform on stage. She started dancing at Center Stage when she was 3 years old, and when she hit 7th grade she fell in love with the theatre. Last year she auditioned to be in the Musical Dance Theatre (MDT) department at BYU which is extremely competitive (quite frankly I didn't think she would have a chance to make it). But God must have felt that she belonged there, because against all odds she got in.

Now as her first year heads towards the end, she is feeling more at home in her major and less stressed out about school. I love having her at home and cherish the precious moments I have left with her before she is snatched away by a career or a man, But for now, she is still my baby! She had her photo (taken by the talented Jessie Alexis Elder Evans) used on the poster that advertises the upcoming MDT showcase in the Madsen Recital Hall HFAC- BYU on February 26th and 27th at 7:00 and 9:00 p.m. Tickets are $8 w/ BYU ID, $10 Alumni & Seniors, $11 General Seating.

 Here is the poster with her cute photo.
Her Momma thinks she's HOT!

She's the only Freshman on the poster too!
Hope you can come and see the performance.
I can't wait!

family

I grew up in Brigham City Utah in an amazing family.  My parents worked so hard to teach us to live right. They wanted us to be hard-working, resilient, determined, and most of all Christ-like. It is a difficult balance, but they set the bar by being great examples. When they would fall, they would  pick themselves back up, dust off the dirt, polish their bruises, and try again. I am so fortunate to still have them in my life! They live in Springville now, and though I don’t see them enough, I do get to see them a couple of times a month, and I know I am blessed to be me.

My sister Cindi, My Mommy, and Me

It is almost 2 AM and I have to be up at 6 to go to work. Insomnia is NOT my friend!!!
However, I was thinking of a song I could send to my daughter Hailey, and I found one, but then then I started thinking of all the many people in my life I could dedicate this song to. Certainly my husband, my other children, my siblings -including my very special foster sister Nene, but when I think of my parents my eyes fill with water and my throat chokes off. They are my very foundation and I am connected to them in a way I will never understand and can never fully explain. It is a love and appreciation that runs much deeper than my mortal understanding, so this song is especially dedicated to them.